Sunday, July 25, 2021

My Athletic Journey Right Now: I Am Slow and Tired

I haven't written about my athletic journey lately because there hasn't been much to say about it. I don't find time to work out – I struggle to make time for it. It's difficult to build up a momentum when exercising so sporadically. It's made even more difficult when I can't exercise at all because my son is sick, which makes me sick, then the rest of his caregivers get sick, and I don't get a minute to myself. 

During the week, I can usually only swim if I drop off my son at day care a little early and then go to the pool for a half hour or so before work. I wonder if it's worth the effort of driving there and getting all wet and chlorinated. But it does help to keep the feel for the water. Sometimes I can sneak in a short run or some yoga on his dad's day off when he's watching our son. Or a longer trail run on the weekend if he's not working or sleeping in. I have no competitions planned. I am slow. I've lost a lot of muscle. I am tired. I won't even think about competing again until I get more solid, consistent sleep. It's futile otherwise. 

It'd be so much easier to stop trying to swim or run. Easier to stop trying to be an athlete. Easier to let it go. In the snippets of training I do get, I'm mostly frustrated with my speed, strength, and stamina. I'm exhausted for days after doing a fraction of what I used to do. And I don't see any progress. I'm not even plateauing...I just keep getting slower! 

But I'll keep doing it because I love it. Because although it's hard to recognize it now, this situation is only temporary. Because I know so many amazing mama athlete role models who do amazing things. 

Maybe I'll never get any closer to my wildly improbable goal of breaking 5 minutes in the 500 yard free, but maybe I'll set and reach other goals I hadn't considered. 

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